Sunny Sunday Afternoon

It’s a sunny, Sunday afternoon.

About 60 degrees , warm, but yet too early for Spring,

My plans for yesterday were cancelled and are now gone.

Call upon the girls(more like texting)to see who can come out and play for awhile

Much too busy,they always seem to say with small children of their own to fill their nights as well as their days.

So alone (once again) on the swing set, just I

In awhile, to go back inside, lay on the loveseat not to cry but just a short sleep.

So very,very sweet!!!

 

Good Day & Great Evening To All!!!!!!!!!!

 

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Well its Sunday morning

Most of this part of the country is at church like I should be but not today.  Though it is raining outside, without a possible hope of the sun showing up today, to make a brief appearance, It was no excuse for me not going to worship services today, but I didn’t…

I just decided to stay home today though the other part of the reason was that I do share the car with my son and he had to work early this morning and so I’m here today.

 

Now truthfully and honestly, I do have ideal dreams of grandeur of having a tea breakfast on my balcony overlooking a picturesque view of a large foreign city, without a care in the world while reading the Sunday Times. Also I would have to make sure that I am looking a little less than glamorous and being able to pinch myself to make sure it was not a dream anymore.

But in reality, I woke up and ate some cold frosted flakes, inside my apartment, to include the rainy day and clouds in the background. The view from my balcony is an empty,abandoned, out of season swimming pool along with the other surrounding apartment buildings within the complex.

I am ok with this….. because though not glamorous ,yet , I am happy. I am happy because this is just a stop along the way not where I am going to plant my forever!!!!

Have A Great Weekend to ALL!!!!

Aside

A Passing Thought

He said he loved me

He said he liked who I am

He said he would be there for me through thick and thin

In sickness and in health

Til death do us part………………….

He said he wanted a child , especially a son

to spend time with him and teach him things young sons should know

to take him fishing on the weekends or spend  days watching  football games

To savor the moments of watching his child grow up into a man,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Well the rest of the story is that those days never came and those dreams upon promises were broken as fast as they were made. It another woman,it wasn’t that we stopped loving each others company or just getting along together, and it even wasn’t due to that he was a spy on a secret mission……..But he did have a mistress but he didn’t control her, she controlled him, ruled him, and spit him out when he had nothing else to give. Drugs was his mistress and I learned the hard way I could never compete with her for his attention anymore.

I knew the end had come when over a holiday weekend, my son had just started kindergarten weeks before and  I did not know where he was or where to start looking, So I strapped my son in his car seat and away we went, We ;didn’t get far, about a mile down the road to a gas station where I think I bought us something to drink. We turned around and went back home. In less than an hour getting home, I had received a phone call from the police department stating they had arrested my then husband and he was going to county jail. Just to note, this wasn’t his first time in jail. I had given him a second chance 2 1/2 yrs before.  This time seemed final for me —-I couldn’t believe in my love for him anymore nor our marriage … Dreams of a family life dried up like autumn leaves approaching winter. The idea of myself and my son being alone in this life took a very long time to resonate with my soul. Divorce seemed like the monster under the bed, I wanted to hide under the covers and never look at it at all.

The scariest, darkest, and most depressing time in my life and the question was could I make it through alone?

And the trigger for all these thoughts today, an old song I heard today.

It brought some tears to my eyes as I remembered how time has passed and the very reasons that I strive so hard to live and survive is because of the dumb choices I made many years ago. Still paying for it but getting closer daily with work,prayers,tears and at least a little laughter in the day.

One day I just hope to just laugh & smile …………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Evening

Evening.

More like personal adjustments,not New Year’s resolutions

Who really still make New Year’s resolutions in this day & age?  If you still make the effort to do so,how long does it usually take to break at least half of them? By mid month January? Or just one in less than 24 hrs in making that sacred vow of the season?

On a personal note,I never had made a resolution because I couldn’t see the point in wasting precious energy in breaking a promise to yourself in the end. So one year I adopted this lifestyle change that has helped me greatly in the creditability department.—-I resolved to make no resolutions. Great!!! Plain& Simple as I like it!!!! With this mindset in hand,there are no worries as to how many promises I made only to break them or forget them altogether.

Now,throughout the year,at various times,I perform a self evaluation always asking the question ” is this working for me or do I need to toss it and try something else?” This is how simple I have kept it for myself. It’s almost like Spring Cleaning- throwing out stuff you either don’t like,don’t wear or have outgrown and just maybe something you forgot you had…… It’s usually the area if the “forgotten stuff” is where my greatest keepsakes were found.
My Keepsakes:

– gone are the days I worry myself to death about what people think of me
-lost are the days when I have an opinion or something to say about and don’t make it known in the public ear

-forgotten & hidden into oblivion are the moments in time where one is afraid to tell a loved one or that someone special how much they mean to you “to infinity and beyond”

-never will the time come again that I will allow myself to be used ,abused,and to  mistake my meekness for weakness,to take my love and kindness for granted and ran over like a Mack truck ,left in a ditch for dead

In other words, I decided years ago and continue making decisions that I won’t hide behind or keep company with Fear anymore. It robbed me the joy of freedom,joy of becoming a woman,the joy of having a voice & a choice makes all the difference in the world.

Looking back on 45 yrs of living,-my bitter made me better,my weaknesses have made me stronger& my life is now a life I love ,no longer despise. No longer do I see a shy ,frightened,quiet little girl,but a brave,strong beautiful woman who meets her challenges face to face daily and I like and love her for who she is and is constantly becoming day after day!!!

Good Night All& God Bless!!!!

I’m Just Daydreaming…..

Since I do still have to patiently wait for my future spouse to manifest, I just want to imagine a bit of what I would like for him to be. I know to many,,this is called wishful thinking,but its my thoughts and my dreams I want to share with the rest of the world.

1.Handsome,well kept appearance,knows how to dress with some sense of style.

2. Tall- meaning somewhat taller than I  so I can look up to him. 🙂

3.Easy to talk to,doesn’t mind long conversations about somethings and nothing at all.

4.Great sense of humor/ not afraid to laugh in order to remind ourselves not to take life too seriously.

5.Warm,Unselfish,giving,loving,kind with the innate ability to allow others within his world when he cannot make,sense of it all

6.Accept & realize ones faults & shortcomings as  being a part of his life as well as others around him.

7.To be the man God has called to him to be and to stand by his side to guard his heart and show him the respect he needs from me.

Please do realize again,this is my dream and ,the qualities I desire in  my future spouse . He is real,somewhere,some place in this world, somewhere under the blanket of stars above my head: he lives!!!!

Where is he? I don’t know, When shall he arrive.??? don’t have that answer either. But this I know, I am here,ready to be found by him anytime,anyplace,anywhere I’m Here…!!!!!!
I’m so thankful I’m in much better place this day!!!!

Well Good Night All You Beautiful People!!!!!

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